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Like many parents, I want my kid to get a leg up on my life, so I sat my six-month old down in front of “Baby Einstein – On the Go – Riding, Sailing and Soaring”, left to get a pack of smokes, and then returned 45 minutes later fully expecting a rational human being with whom I could discuss the implications of relativistic space-time on human perceptions of causality.

I strolled into the playroom and casually asked my drooling tyke, “So, how do you square the idea of the universe emerging from a singularity, thereby implying a first cause, or at least, a prime event, with the later expansion of relativistic space-time and the apparent absence of an absolute reference frame?” I figured I’d toss the lad a gimme first, just to ease him into a productive dialogue. Little Albert (not his real name) just looked at me, made a squealing noise, and pumped his pudgy arms up and down. I figured he was gathering his thoughts together, so I waited several minutes for a response. Albert looked away and put several fingers in his mouth.

“Albert, did you hear my question?” I asked, and he turned to me, smiling and gurgling. This conversation was not going well. I pressed him for another hour, asking his opinions on a wide range of topics, sure that I would raise a subject on which he would have an opinion. Albert seemed uninterested not only in physics, but also in music, philosophy, religion, biology, history, art, current events, and even sports. Perhaps he hadn’t existed long enough to form opinions, so I probed Albert’s budding genius using a battery of tests instead, including the Wechlser Adult Intelligence Scale, Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, Rorschach, Thematic Apperception, and Bender-Gestalt. According to the results, Albert was the very opposite of a genius, and barely qualified as even conscious. I tried to contain my disappointment. Still, I was thankful that “Baby Einstein” uncovered the true lack of potential in my stunted offspring, and now I can save time and expense trying to educate a lost cause. My heart is heavy, but I am thankful I live in a community that has excellent social services and will provide Albert with the structure and care he needs to live out the rest of his life in as meaningful a way as his severely limited intellect will allow.
Rating: 5 / 5

One of my major peeves about “Baby Galieo: Things in the Sky” was the lack of the most common sky site, the airplane. “Baby Einstein: On the Go” makes up for that.

The puppets and animation were typical BE. The use of the song, “Wheels of the Bus”, was very good, espically the hand motions the kids used to sing along. My 2.5 year son loves it. I like the way they tie different vehicles into Land, Sea, and Air. Also, I finally saw a couple of toys in a BE video that my toddler actually owned, which he loved to see on the screen.

At first I didn’t like the multitude of “things”. How often would this kid see a sailboard in real life? Then it hit me: that’s the point. Not living near a coast, I could not point out the differences very often. Its a struggle, but after seeing this video a few times he realizes not everything in the air is an “airplane”, there are some “helicopters”. I’m sure if we saw more boats he’d start to point out the difference between “sailboat” and “canoe”.

The main problem I have is the audio quality (VHS version). When the volume level is just right for the music, the speach comes in too loud and scratchy. Turn down the volume to a proper speach level, and the music barely registers. This is VERY POOR WORKMANSHIP for a professional editing company and is the only reason I gave this video such a low rating. Correct that fault, and I would have given this video a 4-5.
Rating: 2 / 5